Here is another rant for my few devoted note readers, who really shouldn't be on facebook at work! Here goes:

Oh, America! Sweet land of liberty! You are WELL shameful!

I was watching So You Think You Can Dance (season 10 Bazillion) last night and I have to admit, it was pretty much awesome. I have to explain myself before you turn away with disgust. After I got over the trashy theme music (ba da ba ba soyouthinkyoucan dance dance daaance) and the equally trashy Mary (whose every sentence contains AHH HAAAAAAAH HAAAAH HA HAAAH complete with very large, white, gnashing teeth), the one-liners from the people auditioning were absolutely brilliant!!

Reasons why one girl didn't get a ticket to Vegas:

"They didn't like my pants"
AAAND
"I think it's 'cos I'm tall and most of the guys they pick are short and if I danced with them, I'd like be dwarfing them. Also, they wouldn't be able to lift me. I think the judges are racist... against tall people."

A really skinny guy in a gold mask aka Gold Inferno (you get points for the name, buddy):

“Jumpstyle music is uber”

“I’ve seen some of the stuff they keep, and that music is just terrible. And I go and dance to the best song this show has ever seen… or heard… and they shut me down”

“I’m disappointed, angry…. I wish someone would cheer me up……I think they’re gonna regret this”

But this other guy, Mr Fantastic, made the whole show worth watching, even if it meant enduring painful leaping cheerleaderish blondes with botox smiles and a man dancing in his underwear, claiming that it represented a clean slate (my eyes were burning).

ch-ch-check him out here:
http://www.youtube.com/v/AdVHzPDk1NQ&hl=en&fs=1

Robert Muraine, you sir, put the robot dance to shame!

xoxo Tess

Lolcats are da graydest ti ngs eva inventud. Go to http://icanhascheezburger.com and LOL. Dat is commandemnt from ceiling cat.
Too many grate picshuz for me to stealz, therfor hav soem randomness insted.

I haz others ... but dey iz 2 rood for heer. Hehe. Stuff ...

What question do you hate being asked?

"Are you sure?"
Admittedly it is very occasionally useful, when you've accidentally clicked the close button on an unsaved document that you've been working on for the past 3 hours.
But do electronic devices really feel it necessary to ask you EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME you want to do something?
YES. I'M SURE. GET OVER IT ALREADY.

We've all seen the show are you smarter than a 5th grader, but you may not be aware of the new spin off. It's called "Are you crazy like Gaius Baltar" in this show contestents battle it out with Battlestar Galactica's Ex President, Genius, cause of humanities downfall and resident kook Gaius Baltar. Psychologists will be in attendance, and willers of the show will recieve an all expences paid trip to a psyc ward.

In order to qualify for the grad prize, players will have to prove their insanity against the following tests:

The MRI, which fearlessly adresses fears that participants have alien chips implanted in their brain, the guilt trip where photos of the victims of participants are presented for reveiw. Double talk is an ever popular segment where particpants hold conversations with friends, real and imaginary, both at the same time. All of these have of cource been constatnts in Gaius's life, but of cource he has recently gone above and beyond normal insanity, leading us to create the show.

The begining of "The one god cult" was simple enough, a dozen insane women, one sick boy, a locked corridor and inscence, throw in a Baltar shrine and have him proform a miricle. So his insanity increases, he can heal the sick, he is the voice of god. And then comes the ultimate...

He's had imaginary girlfriends
He's had imaginary girlfriends with imaginary Gaius's
He's had imaginary girlfriends threaten him, lock him in cells, try to get him executed, stop talking to him, tell him he's insane, and generaly torture him.
And now, shes disapeared, to be replaced by...

An inaginary Gaius. Seriously. How self centered can you get?

 

Battlestar rocks!

On Thursday we went to see the new movie about the quest to save the talking badgers (aka Prince Caspian). I had a nightmare that I was late because I had got stuck babysitting, and it was so horrible that I woke up way too early. I got in the car at exactly the right time, but then discovered that my GPS had forgotten Gity's address, and it took me 7 minutes to program it in. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA to GPS's. So I was kind of late to Gity's, and then we got caught in an excessive number of traffic lights and couldn't find a parking spot. So we drove past the cinema and waved to everybody standing there waiting for us. Yay. For once in my life, I was the last one there. We watched the movie. It was moderately great. Then we went to The Glen, ate, talked and freaked Scott-Mr-KFC-Dude out by staring at him for ages as he tried do do his Mr-KFC-Dude work. Then I took Marie and Gity on a tour of the changes to the school. There aren't many. The toilets were painted over and quickly falling into disrepair and clouds of cigarette smoke again; the eye-sore of an incomplete fountain is now a completed eye-sore of a fountain. We saw Mr Edwards in the Sci Tech (wtf? WHY is he not in Canada yet?) so Gity and I talked to him. I discovered that he used to be a dog trainer and show his Weimaraners in competitions. (wtf? WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS?!) And then we went home.
On Sunday I had a dog massage workshop. That was informative.
On Monday I went to Jess's. My bus was 10 minutes late, leaving me shivering and miserable. It was great, in the purely nostalgic sense. I was just getting out my phone to tell Marie not to bother picking me up when it arrived. I got to the carpark at exactly the same time as Marie. Yay:) And so Jess, Scott, Andrew, Marie, me and eventually AJ played dungeons and dragons. It had taken Andrew a while to convince me to play, because I thought I would become addicted and wierd. Me and Jess were tied up for a large chunk of the game, and the b**ch of a captain took my dog-steed and has pet electric lizards which killed Jessica. I am now wierdly addicted to Dungeons and Dragons. So is Jess. Sigh. I feel, as Jess's uncle put it, 90's geeky. Other people went home but I stayed overnight to avoid more public transport. We watched some of the first season of Charmed and had scrambled egg for dinner, played playstation games, watched Tudors and spectacularly failed to do any of the work we both should have done. The following morning was spent making Spore creatures and sorting counters until people came. We watched some Doctor Who episodes until Caitlin arrived, whereupon we ordered pizza and started our Murder Mystery night. I was (please excuse the use of person in this, me is merely copyin'.) "Steph, a noble woman without any great title. You have lost your lands and your frtune to betting on the races, die, cards and other games. You are friends with the Lady Jessica, but have never met her husband Duke Andrew and are looking forward to doing so. The only reason you have been invited to the paty (is that) it is hosted by your cousin Marie. However, you almost didn't come. Greatly in debt and needing to fuel your gambling habits you are afraid that one of the loan brokers you owe money to, AJ, will be present. she is a member of the King's Guard and a soldier, but most of her large fortune comes from her other trade. If you don't pay up you are afraid of what AJ will do to you."
My first objectives were to start a gambling game with at least 3 other people, avoid being alone with AJ (actually just avoid her as much as possible) and talk to my friend Lady Jessica about my life.
Lady Jessica introduced me to her husband in her room, then we moved to the sitting room to meet the other guests. I was just about to start avoiding AJ when Cousin Marie started talking, forcing all of us to be seated. I amused myself by pinning Scholar Josh to my chair. As soon as Marie stopped talking, I released him and went to learn more about Lord Andrew (or should I say Lord Xavier Formulaic Acid); I may have been rather more interested than was strictly necessary. Interested enough that as soon as Jess walked past he grabbed her frantically and used her as an excuse to extricate himelf from my company. Muahaha. Then I started avoiding AJ. I talked to several people, including Jess, who was upset with her husband about something, and Marie, who apologised for her character's tendency to encourage me to gamble excessively. I got Scholar Josh relatively alone and I was rather more interested in his life than strictly necessary, but he was oblivious. I tried to interest him in a game of cards, but he refused. I turned to Marie and said "Could I interest you in a game of cards, cousin? You party is dreadfully dull." I suddenly realised that that was probably quite offensive, but she cried "YES!" and we went to set up. Somehow we managed to accumulate every other person at the party by the time we were ready. We played 21 (or whatever it was called back then), followed by Dragons (or whatever it's called. They probably didn't play it back then, but who cares? I won a round.) It was during these games that the great scandal came out - Marie had had an affair with Lord Xavier 10 years ago. AJ pointed out that they would have been 8 at the time. Every time people went to yell at each other in private I stole some coins from whoever was silly enough to leave them unguarded, but the last time someone stole all of Marie's coins so I had to give the 2 I had taken back. She was convinced that I had taken all of them. Humph. As if the desperately in debt gambling addicted cousin would do that. As we were finishing, Jess and Caitlin went off to talk in private. Caitlin emerged shortly afterwards crying out that Lady Jessica was dead, so we all rushed in to stare at her. She was laughing. "Oh no!" we all lamented. "Quick, make sure she's dead." I tested her pulse. "Yep, she's dead." Andrew sat beside her and tried to show his grief by pretending to beat his hands against her. "Yeah, well done Andrew, just stab the dead body to make sure." Everyone was cracking up. We left Andrew to "grieve" while Josh performed a medical examination to determine the cause of death (poison, he said.) We sat on the sofas and tried to decide whodunnit, trying unsuccessfully to pretend that our laughs were really sobs. After a while we went to check on them, and the door swung open to reveal Jessica's body lurching towards us. "AAAAAAAH!!" We screamed at the undead creature. She corrected us, "I'm the mute servant now."
"Ah." we said.
"She did it!" I cried.
She handed out new objectives. Mine was "Convince AJ to give you time to repay the money. Jessica is dead, but you are sure, in your desperate situation she would help you with your debt; attempt to rob her money out of her handbag." I went to the kitchen and took a butter knife, so that I could kill AJ if I felt like it. I tried to edge towards Andrew's private room, but everyone was by that stage sitting in the lounge in full view of the door, so I never even got close. I grabbed AJ and drgged her up the hall to try and make some excuse about how I was going to get a job tomorrow and pay her off. Unexpectedly, she offered to halve the amount due (I had to ask how much it was, and she dug around for her paper and we discovered that it was meant to be $3000, so it would now be $1500). I dug around in my pockets and found counters. It took a VERY long time to count them. I gave up at $1000, and she said that she could consider the $500 owing in view of my not saying anything about what had happened earlier. I didn't know what had happened earlier, but didn't really feel like mentioning it. I didn't quite know what to do with the knife in my pocket. I was a little disappointed to have no reason to kill anyone. After a little more circulation and speculation, Caitlin pulled me asside and enquired as to my relationship with AJ. I confided that I owed her (or him) some money, as I had seen Caitin pay him/her off earlier. Caitlin offered to lend me some money in exchange for a favour later on. I agreed, and she gave me the $500 I needed. I went and passed it on. Without a debt, I wasn't quite sure whether I should still go and nick money out of Jess's handbag. Andrew saw me hanging around and asked for a word. He pointed out the imaginary blood stain where Lady Jess had been lying. Servant Jess barged in and handed us our next set of objectives. "Look in the handbag," she hissed to Andrew, and left. We looked at each other for a moment, and then I reached for the bag. Andrew lunged forwardand pinned me to the wall with his cardboard tube sword to my neck. "DROP IT!" He thundered. "She did say to look in it." I opened it and found coins and a label belonging to Gail. I can't remember what we discussed, because my sleep deprived mind fogged it over, but it did involve me taunting him then saying "Oh wait, I forgot, I probably shouldn't anger a man with a sword to my throat." "Hehe yeah you forgot." "So are you going to kill me?" "No, but sonsider it a very stern warning." I left, very sheepishly. My third objective was to "Either repay the loan or get AJ off your back one way or another. If she tries to speak with someone, follow them and eavesdrop." I had been eavesdropping all night anyway. It hadn't really got me very far, most of what I overheard being "I think someone's listening." I guess I'm not very good at sneaking. After a long discussion with Marie, it was time for final favours to be called on. Caitlin told me that her favour for the money was that I should vote for myself as murderer. "But ... I would be hanged. That is SO not worth $500." I competely emptied my pockets, and started counting. After we had established that it was somewhere between $400 and $470, she got bored and said "Okay, since you've sort of payed off your debt, I will revise the favour to voting for Marie." "Did she do it?" "Yes." "Are you sure?" she nodded vehemently. "Okay then." I was wandering away when I heard a scream. I grabbed my trust knife and raced into the lounge room, where Marie was struggling with Andrew. They raced off before I got there, so I followed, which is how we ended up in the final scene, everyone standing in the hall with weapons drawn. "Having a concealed weapon is against the law." AJ informed us. "Well maybe you should tell us the laws BEFORE we break them." I said. AJ and Andrew withdrew to the study to confer, while the rest of us sat down to discuss final theories. AJ and Andrew were in there for a VERY long time. We took it in turns listening at the door to make sure there was no unauthorised hanky-panky. Unfortunately, there wasn't.
The final votes were cast and Marie got the most. "Yes, you're right, I did it." She said. "You did?" asked Caitlin. "You said you knew!" I said, scandalised. We took her to the deck to hang her, but she took too long trying to think of decent last words, so I just pushed her off to be done with it.
We sat down afterwards and everyone told their stories. Turns out AJ had been convinced I had seen her take all Marie's money and kindly kept quiet, when in fact I had only suspected her. I didn't enlighten her.
That was fun.
Then we played murder in the dark for hours. Twice when I was murderer I manged to perform mass murder, but lost count and said "Have I killed everyone?" Only to be met by the cry from the last survivor "Stephanie did it!" (Actually, the first time Andrew said "Jess did it!" HA.) In one of the games I ended up in the middle of a 3-person pile up.Josh was a really sneaky murderer, and would try to hand me a dog or wait for me to hug him and then grab my shoulder so I died. I love following people around and creeping them out, even when (especially when) I'm not the murderer. Oh it was so much fun :D
At 20 past midnight Josh decided that he probably should go home. Murder in the dark slowed and eventually stopped when no-one could stand up any more, except to dance. Which we did. Crazily. In the dark. Yay :)
We finally settled down for bed. Marie and I shared the sofabed next to the laundry. We were just drifting off when we heard music from the tv. "They're watching 300 ... at 2 am. Oh my god." Marie laughed. Jess went to tell them to turn it down, which they did. A few minutes later we heard her commenting on the effects. "Yup ... turn it down you freaks, it's 2am. *Sits down and watches movie with them*" I giggled. We eventually stopped hearing it and drifted fitfully in and out of sleep, woken occasionally by the barking dogs. The second time I let them out (which must have been about 7) they got out. "Help, I being mauled my wild beasts!!!" Squealed Marie. (Surprisingly, I learned later, no-one heard her). Rascal opened the hall door and disappeared, and Nagari (with a huge amout of effort) heaved herself up onto Marie and lay there for hours, squishing her lungs. She's such a cute dog. We were finally able to sleep properly and were woken up by the doorbell. Josh and Gity were bright and dressed, which contrasted comically with the rest of us, croaky with sleep and dressed in our pyjamas. We finished watching Doctor who episodes and ate pancakes for brunch. We played Taboo, and my team won because it had both AJ and Caitlin on it,  despite the other team cheating by going through a bunch of cards they'd had before. HA. Gail came home and people left, and Marie kindly dropped me and Gity home.
On Thursday morning Jess's mum called to say that she was sick, so I waited 5 minutes then called Marie to ask if she could pick up AJ and Andrew. She said she'd woken up 5 minutes ago. How ironic. I got texts from Phil and Josh saying they weren't coming. I called AJ to tell her MArie was picking her up and she said she MIGHT come. I said "If you don't ... it will be very lonely." Marie arrived at quarter past 11 with both AJ and Andrew in tow. Andrew decided that we should play pokemon master trainer. We laughed, realised he was serious, and got stuck in. I won, grâce à luck and good item cards. We then made muffins, with lumps of chocolate and marshmallow, so it would be like rocky road. In hindsight, we probably should have realised that marshmallows MELT in ovens. They were very sticky. But nice. And choclatey. After a false start, we figured out how to play labyrinth, and Andrew won. Then we played uno. It was a great game, ie it went on for AAAAGES. I think Marie won. AJ was not having her usual winning streak, which was kind of fun for us. We watched the last scene from Life of Brian, and while I was switching it off we stumbled across The Hoobs, which is one of those drug-induced children's shows. It was strangely fascinating, and I couldn't quite turn it off. After looking at washing powder adds on youtube and AJ discovering the joys of our cordless mouse, it was time for everyone to go.
And today I walked dogs at the RSPCA for 4 1/2 hours, and one of them was a mastiff cross that was way stronger than me, and I have a bruised wrist from walking it 150 metres out and 150 metres back (that was as far as I got before I realised that if I went any further he would probably pull me off my feet and escape).
So yeah. that post took a ridiculously long time to write up, it wasn't even detailed.
Life is fun.

What's making you smile today?

Memories of the past few days. But I have to go to work. I will post about that later.

PS
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANT THE SINGING!!!!!!

I think it's time for an update. The last thing I wrote was in March. It's now nearly the end of June. I have morphed into some kind of pale mole-person, who never sees the light because a) when I get up, it's dark; b) when I come out of uni, it's dark; c) when I'm at home, I just lock myself in my bedroom and study until my Mum comes to remind me to eat something and she slides pieces of ham and kraft singles under the door 'cos that's the only thing that fits d) my light is broken from me getting too excited about Flight of the Conchords (fair enough, considering it is one of the best NZ shows everrrrrr created) and hitting it with my flailing spider-monkeyish long arms. Anyway, I'm so pale that people squint when they look at me because they just can't take the whiteness - some even go so far as to run away screaming in terror " IT BUUUUURRRRRNS", which is what I've also taken to saying when I step outside on the odd occasion that it is light. Now I can only go outside when it's overcast and raining.

Moving on... I am constantly plagued by the "stress monster" who gives me crazy-psycho dreams about spider monkeys called Klaus Fabio Tidermann and his fantastic hair. Actually, it was more a whack email that I sent to my Engineering Practices group, but I have no re-collection of actually sending it. I think I was just so tired and messed up in my head from too much cafine or something, here it is in all it's fantastic glory:

Dearest children,

CODE BLUE! I am calling a meeting of crammage on Monday after the Geology lecture so we can finish off the report. Small comp lab?? At the moment I am falling asleep on the keyboard - fdhsidghsKjngilvfhnfvjnfvnk - there is the proof from my forehead, so I will give an update again tomorrow when I don't feel like a spider monkey at a puppet show.

Someone pleeeeeease award me 50 points. So far, the appendix is looking okaaay, I need to finish references and we have to add a few bits and pieces here and there into the report. This has taken an exasperatingly long time (I really mean that) and it needs to be AT LEAST 3 TIMES BIGGER due to some extra stuff I'm putting in to make it snazzy. Hopefully, by tomorrow I will not be so crazy and by Tuesday night I will have my life back from the spider monkey. Sincere apologies for my sleep deprived message (just making sure you know I'm not drunk.... cough cough... Tom).

Be prepared for my skillful scribing abilities. You know who you are.

Ten four - let me see you try to roger THAT!

0114 hr, T out.

P.S. The spider monkey's name is Klaus Fabio Tidermann and he has fantastic hair.

Haha - even when I'm semi-conscious, I can still put a Zoolander quote into my emails. How embarrassing.

I am in love with Bret MacKenzie from FotC AND he was in LotR too!!!

What did you learn in kindergarten that you wish you did a better job of applying to the way you live your life today?

• Random food-like items which you find on the carpet are edible
• How to fall asleep quickly
• How to not give a damn about what my body looks like
• Playdough is tasty
• Dirt Is Good

But no way in heck would I go back to kindergarten. I was a "good" kid, but thinking back, I was horrible. Selfish in the way little kids are. I had wonderful experiences over my 18 years and I've learnt wonderful things from them, and I like myself so much better now. Life is good. Now let's all go home and eat a big bowl of strawberry ice-cream, playdough and random crud which we found in the carpet :D

 

Yep, thats right, I have my hands on the spore creature creator. I so didn't download it when it leaked... *caugh* lies *caugh* yes. I'ts great fun, and its surprising the range of creatures you can make with such a limited range of parts, espiecialy once you work out how to resize stuff (try the mouse wheel) its great fun and I so want the full version of the editor. And the game of cource, but realy, the editor will do me just fine for now. Now watch the videos. Oh and if you want to get the editor just go to the spore website. www.spore.com. for some reason vox wont let me link properly :-( anyway, if you get the creator, be sure to show your creatures!

 

What was your random act of kindness today?
Submitted by Cher Cabula.

Today I spent 3 1/2 hours picking up horse poop, carrying it to the compost garden and spreading it with a metal rake (while being watched by a class of year 11s). The chickens like to bury themselves in the poo. It's kind of cute. Also scrubbing floors, accidentally pouring warm soapy water all over my feet, staring at my wet feet for a while, cleaning chicken and guinea pig poop, feeding cows and bushing ponies. All the while sniffling with an icky cold. This was my act of kindness because it is for charity and I don't get paid. Funny thing is, it's the highlight of my fortnight. I love working at the RSPCA education barn. Not altruism, then. Does that still count? :P

Volunteering is da bomb.